I am NOT Celiac Disease

Sometimes dealing with the fact that I have Celiac disease is hard for me. It's hard for me to be so blatantly different. It's hard for me to sit at a table while all of my friends share a meal together... and I eat a Larabar or Nut Thins and try to not stand out like a sore Celiac thumb. It's hard for me to not take on the persona of "Celiac Disease." I feel like that's who I've become. It's constantly on my mind. "Is this gluten free", "I wonder how they prepared this", "Is it safe to eat food in this kitchen that has gluten flying around it all the time", "How in the world can I go to dinner at a friend's house", "How can I be a good friend to this person when I am constantly trying to protect myself", "In how many different ways can this situation make me sick," etc. I find myself isolating myself because no else IS Celiac disease. Lately, the question that's been on my mind a lot is "who am I really within the realm of Celiac disease?" because, let's be honest... I'm not JUST Celiac disease. Yes, it does influence a lot of my decisions and account for a lot of fear and anxiety, but I'm done letting it steal my joy. I am NOT Celiac Disease. I have Celiac Disease. I am a Jesus loving wife, friend, teacher, coffee lover, reader, Facebook addict, cook, shopper, crafty when I want to be, woman who has to think very hard about the foods I am around and put into my body. I will not apologize for protecting myself from getting sick. I'll do my best to not let it steal my joy, but I will protect myself. My health is important. It's important to me, it's important to my husband, it's important for the children we want to have someday. It's not just the short term I'm protecting myself for. Yes, that is important too-- but not protecting myself now can lead to cancer and other major issues as I age. I'm afraid of that. It's scary. So, I do worry about protecting my body.
But, I know I need to stop letting it consume me. I need to stop letting "feeling different" upset me. I need to stop being sad for myself. I am NOT Celiac disease. I am me-- and that's good.

Sam

I get by with a little help from my friends...

Well, it's official. I'm out of survival mode and into coping mode... and I'm not doing so great with the coping. BUT, I have been beyond blessed by some amazing people in my life who are 100% with me and for me in this battle against food. First, my wonderfully caring husband. Anytime I'm feeling down about the things I've lost because of Celiac he is there, not only with a comforting word and a big hug, but also with the voice of reason that keeps me grounded in those times. He goes all out in trying to protect me, not only from that evil culprit--gluten-- but also from feeling abnormal. I also am feeling ultra blessed by my BFF, Emilee. She is always there to listen to me whine about my current mopey state and offer an encouraging word. She is there to be angry with me when I'm sick and be hopeful with me when I have a stretch of good days. Also, I am very blessed by a few little kiddos who don't have a clue what Celiac is, but they know that I have tummy troubles and are willing to brush their teeth, wash their hands and eat strange foods to keep my belly from hurting. I am also thankful for Rob's family and mine who are trying to learn how to protect me when I come to visit. I am very thankful for my aunt and uncle who have some experience with Celiac and used their grandson's birthday party as a chance to teach others in my family how to prepare food for me. I am thankful for our friend Neil who has been very sensitive to the demands of Celiac. He has offered to vacuum out his car so I don't get sick, make foods for a Christmas party gluten free so that I can partake too and worked with me to create alternatives of meals for me.

As much as this journey sucks sometimes, God has surrounded me with wonderful, supportive, uplifting and encouraging people. I've been pretty focused lately on feeling bad for myself and on the things I am going to miss out on in this upcoming holiday season... but today I realized that I have awesome people around me and I need to be more thankful for that. So, to all of you who have put up with my whining, tried foods you didn't really want to, made yourself uncomfortable in order to accommodate my needs, or any of the numerous other acts of kindness I experience on a daily basis... THANK YOU. I appreciate you and your support.

Phil. 1: 3-6
I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Love,
Sam